My best friend mentioned about a week ago that she had decided to go on vacation alone without her family. She said she just wanted to go to the beach and eat, drink and relax with her thoughts. She asked me if I could go on her last minute, self-care vacation. Could I?
My mind began to race. The thought of only worrying about myself for 5 days sounded amazing and oh so luxurious. I hadn’t been on a vacation in almost 10 years. I could have time to read, watch a show, eat a meal without someone’s fingers in my food, and just enjoy the sound of the waves. Time to just sit and think is a commodity these days. The timing of it all seemed like a sign. I was meant to go.
I started running scenarios through my head and looking at the logistics of such a trip. I’m sure work would let me off for a couple of days. Maybe I can get Jim to switch around his work schedule. I even checked with the daycare and they said they could help by keeping the kids overnight one night. I looked up plane tickets so I could come back early if needed. It was all coming together, my gift to myself. And then it wasn’t. Jim ended up being on call one day and he gets up at 4am so who would get the kids to daycare and pick them up. I checked my work schedule and I had a meeting with an out of town advisor one of the days and upon checking my PTO bank realized I was down to my last day. In the end, there were just too many obstacles that I could not overcome. My spontaneous trip to the beach was no more.
I have to be honest...I was really disappointed. And frustrated that I couldn’t make a trip alone work out. And jealous of my friend who was going. And down right bummed. I almost shed a tear for a trip that was only real for about 24 hours. I thought fate had sent this trip to me, but I was wrong. The realization got me thinking. Moms need vacations from their families. It’s nothing against our families, its just we need a break sometimes. Dads do too. Well, why not vacation with your family. Family vacations are pretty much the same things we do everyday but in a different place that’s not child-proofed. So that leads to more stress versus staying home and not going at all. Mom trips lead to less stress and real relaxation.
So today, I texted my friend “save travels” and went to work. The beach is still in the forefront of my mind. I keep thinking what would I be doing now if I was there by the waves. I will probably do that all week as I take mini vacations in my head. I know that there will be other trips and other opportunities, but can you just let me grieve this one. If you need me, I’m in the sandbox in the backyard dreaming.