Ghosting is when someone ends a relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication. This leaves the ghostee with a variety of emotions to process while the ghoster has no consequences for their actions. It is a very cruel form of rejection. No one deserves to be ghosted.
I have an ex that haunts me. A past relationship I never fully recovered from. I had been with my fiancé for 5 years when he moved out while I was at work and never spoke to me again. I came home to find items missing and literally thought our house had been robbed. I was beyond devastated. The person I was going to spend my life with left and did not have the courage or maturity to tell me why he left. This fact has bothered me for 10 years. I am ashamed to tell the world that I am still affected by this breakup but I am. I think I always will. Now I want to be clear and say that I have not been obsessively thinking about this day and night for 10 years, but it has affected my relationships since. Sometimes I think back on it and still wonder why it happened. It feels like a piece of me is missing. Its very hard to lose your significant other and then on top of that lose the person you were closest with, your best friend.
I did some research on the importance of closure in relationships. That is when I learned about ghosting. I thought I was alone in my despair but turns out people get ghosted all the time. Two of the articles I read said that 25% of people have ghosted someone, that’s 1 out of 4 people! That is a lot of disappearing acts. I also learned that ghosters ghost for several reasons including avoiding confrontation and difficult conversations to wanting to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. Let me be clear to all the ghosters out there, by disappearing you hurt someone even more than just telling them you don’t want to be in the relationship. It was also interesting in the articles that they referred to ghosting as being new or short-term relationships. What do you call it when someone ghosts you after 5 years together? I have decided that is poltergeisting because it’s even worse than ghosting and more destructive…just like a poltergeist.
When our relationship first ended, I reached out to him multiple times for a why…how could he just walk away after 5 years together?? A couple of years later I met my husband and we have been happy ever since. Even in my happy and fulfilling marriage, I still had times that the insecurity would creep back in and I would wonder why that happened so long ago. The wound would feel fresh. I decided that I would put on my big girl panties and ask for the closure I needed and deserved after almost 10 years. I reached out to my ex and extended the olive branch, I thought lets move past this once and for all. I got ghosted again!!!! What do you call double ghosting…extreme ghosting?
For 10 years I have wanted an explanation and an apology, and for 10 years I have waited foolishly. I don’t know why it took me so long to accept that he will never explain or give me closure to that relationship. He will never acknowledge what he did to me or even apologize. But…that is kind of the closure I needed. I needed the realization that he will never give me what I want and that it doesn’t matter why he left because in the end it was the right move. Right move, but not the right way. Ghosting is never the answer. Ghostees are left with a mess they must deal with and ghosters find someone new to haunt. My only advice to ghosters is: be careful, what goes around comes around; a haunting may be in your future.